And if my partner was violent?

In recent years, in Quebec and elsewhere in the world, intimate partner violence has received significant media and scientific coverage1 . Intimate partner violence is a form of domination in which one partner takes control over the other through various forms of violence. These include2 :

• Physical: for example, physical aggression towards the person, their belongings, or their pets.
• Psychological: blackmail, false accusations, threats.
• Financial: financial control, forced financial dependence.
• Sexual: sexual assault, sexual harassment, coercion.
• Verbal: insults, humiliating remarks.

Despite the attention this topic obtains from the media and scientific community, awareness remains primarily focused on heterosexual couples1 . This inequitable distribution of attention keeps intimate partner violence between women in the shadows. In addition to overlooking their experiences, the scarcity of scientific literature on this topic limits the development of interventions tailored to their needs1 ^.3 . To reverse this trend, it is important to be sensitive to false beliefs about intimate partner violence between women, to be informed about the characteristics of this violence, and to be aware of the lack of services specifically designed for this population.

The abundance of false beliefs 

There are numerous false beliefs surrounding intimate partner violence between women. Three of these beliefs are particularly likely to influence our perception of their reality:

1. Firstly, many believe that violence, whether physical, psychological, or sexual, is not possible between female partners. In fact, in the collective imagination, such acts can only be committed by men1 . Some people even believe that relationships between women are devoid of any relational difficulties and are, in a way, perfect4 . This belief can be explained by the fact that girls and women are strongly encouraged to develop their relational and communication skills, which are often associated with relational harmony1 . 
2. Secondly, some people think that intimate partner violence between women is mutual or symmetrical. In other words, some believe that because the partners are of the same gender, the violence would be bidirectional or reciprocal, and the responsibility for it would be shared1 . This belief is based on how we perceive the victim and the perpetrator, which implies an asymmetry of violence between a male aggressor and a female victim1 . Thus, according to this representation, intimate partner violence would not be possible from one woman to another, which is false.
3. Thirdly, when relational violence is detected in intimate relationships between women, it is almost systematically attributed to the partner with a more masculine appearance. Again, this is attributable to how we perceive certain gender roles (e.g., masculine = aggressive and feminine = passive). This phenomenon can be referred to as "butchophobia."1 .

Ultimately, these three beliefs intertwine and can blur our understanding of the phenomenon. In reality, intimate partner violence between women is much more nuanced than these false beliefs suggest.

The lack of understanding of the characteristics of relational violence between women

Studies that focus on relational violence between women tend to mix different forms of violence (physical, sexual, psychological, etc.). This limits our ability to fully understand what they experience and in what context. Despite this confusion, the literature generally agrees on three points:

• 1. Firstly, psychological or emotional violence (such as belittlement, humiliation, blackmail, etc.) is the most prevalent form of violence among women in same-sex relationships5 . 
• Secondly, compared to heterosexual women, it is more difficult for women experiencing relational violence from a female partner to recognize and report what they are going through. This additional difficulty is explained by the belief related to the symmetry of violence and the insidious nature of psychological violence1 ^,4 . Additionally, regarding sexual violence, it is important to remember that female sexuality in same-sex relationships, compared to heterosexual relationships, is less focused on penetration6 . However, in the collective imagination, only penetration could be considered "real" sexual violence since it is viewed by some as the only form of "complete" sexuality7 . Therefore, a penetrative representation of sexual violence is ill-suited to women in same-sex relationships as it does not account for the range of their sexual practices. Consequently, women in intimate relationships with women may accumulate incidents of violence before recognizing the gravity of the situation and considering ending the relationship.
• Finally, there is a difference between women identifying as bisexual and those identifying as lesbian. Nearly two-thirds of bisexual women have experienced victimization (61%; rape, physical violence, stalking, etc.), while among lesbian women, it is just under half (44%)5 . Some authors hypothesize that this difference may be explained by the homophobia of male partners towards bisexual women, which motivates them to perpetrate acts of intimate partner violence against them7 .

The absence of specialized services 

Women who experience intimate partner violence from a female partner have very few resources to help them. Resources for sexual and domestic violence lack availability for female users and must restrict their services to prioritize women who are victims of physical violence. This discriminates against women in same-sex relationships as they are generally victims of more subtle forms of violence, such as psychological and emotional abuse1 . Additionally, the only specialized center for sexual and domestic violence between women in Quebec, the Lesbian Solidarity Center, is located in Montreal and does not offer 24/7 services. Therefore, it cannot assist women outside of its opening hours or outside of Montreal.

What can be done to address this issue?

Recognizing relational violence between women allows for better prevention and intervention when it occurs. Here are some suggestions to contribute as an informed citizen in the fight against relational violence between women:

• Reflect on your preconceived ideas about relational violence between women to deconstruct stereotypes and prejudices that may exist within you.
• Stay vigilant and critical of the messages conveyed by the media regarding intimate partner violence between women.
• Discuss the specificities of intimate partner violence between women with those around you.
• Engage in readings and research (see the following section) to enhance your knowledge about intimate partner violence between women.
• Keep in mind that the experiences of women in intimate relationships with other women may vary based on their sexual orientation (e.g., bisexual or lesbian). While the study mentioned earlier in this text contrasted these two orientations, the situation may also be specific to women of other sexual orientations (e.g., pansexual or queer).
• If you have recognized yourself or someone you know in the information described in this article, consider contacting a trusted person or a resource specialized in intimate partner violence (see the following section).
• Share this article with your social circle to raise awareness about this issue.

Intimate partner violence in same-sex female relationships often goes unnoticed. It is important to combine our efforts to raise awareness and, ultimately, prevent it!

Ressources

• Centre de solidarité lesbienne : Specialized resource for violence in intimate relationships between women including an information section on the issue.
  • To reach a counselor at Centre de solidarité lesbienne de Montréal you can call (514) 526-2452 or send an email to aide@solidaritelesbienne.qc.ca.
• L’R des centres de femmes du Québec : List of women's aid centers categorized by regions.
• SOS Violence conjugale : Information and resource section, tips to recognize if a relationship is violent, and helpline available through chat, email at sos@sosviolenceconjugale.ca, phone at 1 (800) 363-9010, or text at (438) 601-1211. 
• Regroupement des centres d'intervention de crise du Québec (Grouping of Crisis Intervention Centers of Quebec): Provides access to existing organizations based on regions, such as suicide prevention centers. 
• For immediate assistance: Dial 911.

This blog article was originally written as part of the course on Sexual and Interpersonal Victimization taught by our member Marianne Girard at the Department of Sexology at UQAM in the fall of 2022. The publication of this article was made possible thanks to our partner, the Interdisciplinary Research Centre on Intimate Relationship Problems and Sexual Abuse (CRIPCAS), and the Fonds de recherche du Québec. 

• 1 a b c d e f g h i j Queyroi, I. (2021). Des bleus sur l'arc-en-ciel : Archéologie des dynamiques de violence dans le couple lesbien. [Thèse de doctorat, Université de Montréal]. Papyrus. https://papyrus.bib.umontreal.ca/xmlui/bitstream/handle/1866/26236/Quey…
• 2Gouvernement du Québec (2022). Définition de la violence conjugale. https://www.quebec.ca/famille-et-soutien-aux-personnes/violences/violen…
• 3Walters, M. L., Chen, J., et Breiding, M. J. (2013). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey: 2010 findings on victimization by sexual orientation. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/12362
• 4 a b Miller, D. H., Greene, K., Causby, V., White, B. W., et Lockhart, L. L. (2001). Domestic violence in lesbian relationships. Women & Therapy, 23(3), 107-127. https://doi.org/10.1300/J015v23n03_08
• 5 a b Badenes-Ribera, L., Bonilla-Campos, A., Frias-Navarro, D., Pons-Salvador, G., et Monterde-I-Bort, H. (2016). Intimate partner violence in self-identified lesbians: A systematic review of its prevalence and correlates. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 17(3), 284–97. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838015584363
• 6Gonçalves, F. M. (2018). Étude exploratoire sur le vécu des femmes s'identifiant lesbiennes (personnes se qualifiant en tant que telles) en matière de besoins et ressources en santé sexuelle. [Mémoire de maîtrise, Université de Lausanne]. Serval. https://serval.unil.ch/fr/notice/serval:BIB_S_27250
• 7 a b Bissonnette, L. (2020). Intervention auprès des adultes en centres désignés pour les victimes d'agression sexuelle : enjeux soulevés par les mythes et la culture du viol au Québec. [Mémoire de maîtrise, Université du Québec à Montréal]. Archipel. https://archipel.uqam.ca/14927/#:~:text=Bissonnette%2C%20Laurie%20(2020….